Wednesday, February 03, 2016

I am growing. I feel God speaking to me, differently though. Typically I hear God in big, bold ways, knowing definitively what He is saying.
Now it is more of a whisper... I think because I have been saying so much, He is showing me how to listen again. For that small, still voice that carries the wisdom of the King.
I have regrets.
I wish I could have a do over at parenting. At being a wife. At being a daughter and friend.
But instead, I believe He is telling me it is ok to start where I am. He is big enough to redeem all my mistakes.
He is bigger than me.
I was never God, and my mis-steps cannot diminish His power in my family's lives.
If I relinquish the reins to Him He can make all things new.
Please, Lord God, forgive my mistakes and let Your supernatural mercies and grace overflow onto my family.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I am drawing  a line in the sand.
I will not back down.
It is time.
Healing has come.
In all its forms. In all our needs.
He has provided.
We now receive.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

His grace transforms. His love changes. His peace sustains.
Yet His message in much of the church today has been diluted and distorted to put the emphasis on us. On our efforts. On our behavior.
God knew we could never be enough, could never measure up to Him.
He didn't expect us to. He knows that we are not perfect- The One Who is perfect recognizes our frailty more than any other.
And blessedly He loves us so much He took care of everything.
Think of that statement.
He took care of everything.... every thing. Jesus paid the price, made the way, and then ascended to be our Advocate at the Father's right hand.
Is there anything more glorious or encouraging than that?
He did it all.
So we don't have to.
We can rest. We can be still.
We can enjoy life- the gift of our Father.
Praise Him!!

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Praying and seeking God about healing.. this was today's devotional from Joseph Prince Ministries, and I am so thankful for His Truth being explained so clearly, and ministering to me at exactly the moment I asked. God is so good, and I love that He shares His wisdom freely. I also love that His Word is always good and always encouraging... too often the church has not had a real understanding of it because of lack of knowledge, tradition, or poor translating. When clarified, however, it always brings comfort and the assurance that it is ALL about God... never our efforts beyond believing and relying on our Good God. He has done all the work. He is God. ~ Kelly

Meditate On
…Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26
If You Can Believe
When a poor demon-possessed child was brought to Jesus, the father of the child, obviously desperate, said to Jesus, “…if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus’ replied, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:22–23).
Now, many of us have been taught that Jesus was saying that as long as you have the necessary faith, all things are possible for you. In other words, if you can produce the faith, you can have your miracle. But is this what Jesus meant?
If you study the Greek structure of this verse, what Jesus was actually saying was that all things are possible for Him who always believes. Jesus is the only Man who always believes, who always has perfect faith. And because He is Lord, all things are possible for Him!
My friend, simply hook your limited faith to the perfect faith of the Son of God. Just believe that He Himself has all the faith for your miracle. Even when you are faithless, believe that He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). When you rest in His faith that NEVER fails, you’ll see His faithfulness bring your miracle to pass! ~ Joseph Prince Ministries
I have prayed.
I have fasted.
I have rebuked, bound, loosed, prayed crying, prostrate on the floor. I have recited prayers, written prayers, quoted scripture, and surrounded myself with His Word.
I have carried my Bible to every appointment, clinging to its presence for comfort.
Yet I still felt alone. So alone, and so confused.
I know my God. I love my God.
He never leaves nor forsakes me. He holds me in the palm of His hand.
He delights over me with singing and rejoicing.
So what was going on? Where was He?
He was there. He always was, and always will be.
He went before us, preparing the way for us to be blessed, even when we doubted and didn't give Him the praise. (Forgive me Lord- You are SO good to us!)
He was the nurse who shared her faith with us. The friend who texted randomly to pray for us.
The acquaintance who texted through a long night, lifting me up and reassuring me.
He was the sun rising after another sleepless night, and the stars that pierced the darkness when I escaped alone to cry out.
He was the glimmer of hope each new day.
His mercies are new every morning.
He is Emmanuel. He is with us. Always. Sometimes we just feel His Presence in ways we don't expect.
Thank You Jesus. You are worthy to be praised. 
I'm so thankful that you truly never leave nor forsake us, and are more Present than we could ever imagine. Emmannuel.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Two years have passed since I last posted here.
Two years of life that I mostly want to forget. When I last wrote here, Cailin was a junior and Cassidy a freshman. We had high hopes for the year and the girls were eager to accomplish big things.
Instead we began a journey of concussion recovery, hopelessness, isolation, fear, rebellion , anger doubt.... any negative emotion you can name, we have had it. Multiple hospitalizations, doctor visits far too numerous to count, specialists in areas I never even knew you could specialize, and a seemingly never ending battle with pain, in all forms.
But I miss writing, even just for myself to reflect back on. I miss recording God's faithfulness, so I can be reminded when all looks lost, that He has carried us before and He is carrying us still.
He is never changing, He is ever faithful. He is God. He is Good. He is Truth.
I need to remind myself that the journey is far from over; He is still writing our story and He is still faithful to fulfill His Word- that His plans are for us to prosper, and not falter, that He has goodness and mercy for us all the days of our lives. That He promises favor and redemption.
So I write. And remember.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

rain and leaves falling. is there a better combination? i could have soup for dinner every night, were it not for my carnivorous husband. i love fall, and all it brings with it.

today i am headed to wv to measure a space for clients, then catching cassidy's volleyball game on my way back into town. driving in the mountains in the fall is definitely a perk of the job. nothing exciting, but a day of blessings i want to remember. thank you God!

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

He Is More Than Enough

Looking back at old posts, I am amazed at little details of life I had forgotten. Nuggets that, when read, flooded my mind with memories of that moment in time. Good memories and hard ones, but all part of our family's history. I need that. I need those reminders of the life we are living, and although I journal, I most often write out prayers rather than the details of our life.

And so I want to be more diligent to record our lives here. To make note of each day, because it is a gift. No matter what it holds, it is a treasure from God, and deserves to be celebrated in some small way. Our legacy.

So today, I sit here, wishing for an easy heart instead of one that seems filled with lead, and a spirit that is stretching to reach the surface and gasp fresh air into lungs that feel submerged beneath the weight of the world. For 4 weeks we have been battling near constant and intense pain in Cailin's head, as she suffers from a preventable concussion from cheer. She is unable to do school work or cheer, or just be her happy self. I trust God. I really do. He is her Healer. I know He is the great Restorer. Yet I allow myself to sink beneath waves of doubt and fear, drowning under the weight of what if's and why's. This is not His way. This is not a life abundant. Why do I allow this?

Because it is easier to fret and feel as if I am contributing to her wellness. If I worry and over research I am doing my part, right? I'm helping. When in reality all I am doing is spinning my wheels and neglecting the most important thing. Trusting Him. Relying on Him. Letting Him do His work in her and in our family.

So I remind myself to trust. To let go. To breathe. He is faithful to His Word. He is faithful to my girl. He is.